I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
