That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
