explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
