I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
