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my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
