I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
