yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
