A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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