just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
