I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
