i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
