I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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