I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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