sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
