he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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