i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
