He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
