I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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