plz talk dirty to me
Can Purell be used as lube?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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