I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
