I'm sorry my penis didn't work
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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