What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
