It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
