I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
