everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
