i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
