So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
