Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
