I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
