Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
