Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
