Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
