Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
