I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
