If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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