He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
