just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
