butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
