what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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