i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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