We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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