She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
