Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
