There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
