I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
