they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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