Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
