i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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