I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
