Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
