your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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