my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dick very happy bro
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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