smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
