I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
