and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
