what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
