do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
