my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
