There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
